26th Wedding Anniversary

I first met Annie 29 years ago. We started dating 28 years ago. We got married 26 years ago on this day August 11, 2011.

I have been with Annie for more than half of my life on planet earth. I think earth is a better place because of Annie. I know I am a better person because of Annie. Is this an exaggeration? Hardly. Even though God is the one who makes everything and everyone better, including the earth and me, God has blessed me with a woman who literally makes every place where she goes better.

As it is written, How beautiful are the feet of those who announce the good news. Romans 10:15 CEB

Imagine walking through a slum or a red light district in a huge city. Usually one's feet will only touch concrete, dirt, grime and cockroaches. But I think whenever Annie walks in these places in Bangkok a seed is planted or a flower grows.

I'm serious about this! Even though I speak metaphorically her influence is of Kingdom proportion. Wherever she goes she is advancing the Kingdom in Jesus name and things happen! I have no problem praising Annie in this way because there is biblical precedent in the Songs of Solomon. Many people like to quickly assume that this book is a metaphor about the church and Jesus Christ. It may be. But when it was written it was a love song between a man and a woman. And they both praised each other.

You have captured my heart,
my sister, my bride!
You have captured my heart
with one glance from your eyes,
with one strand of your necklace. Song of Solomon 4:9 CEB

It has been a privilege to walk with you, Annie, for 26 years.

My Toothbrush Vibrates

This morning as I was brushing my teeth I had this weird sensation come over me. My brain and my nervous system were processing as to the source of this strange feeling. It turns out it was in my mouth. It was my toothbrush.

Now why is this strange? I didn't know that my toothbrush could vibrate! When I bought it I thought it was just a "normal" one. But today apparently I gripped my toothbrush in a certain way that set off a vibration. I took it out of my mouth and for the first time since using it for over two months, I noticed there was a little tiny button. This must be the on and off switch. Being the high-level scientist that I am I pushed the button several times to confirm my hypothesis. Yes, this was the on and off button for a vibrating toothbrush.

Then my mind went to John 14. This had to be God because I'm not usually meditating while brushing my teeth. I immediately thought of Thomas and Philip and their conversation with Jesus. It started with Jesus saying:

“Don’t be troubled. Trust in God. Trust also in me. 2 My Father’s house has room to spare. If that weren’t the case, would I have told you that I’m going to prepare a place for you? 3 When I go to prepare a place for you, I will return and take you to be with me so that where I am you will be too. 4 You know the way to the place I’m going.” CEB

This was followed by Thomas asking:

5 “Lord, we don’t know where you are going. How can we know the way?” CEB

Jesus answers:

6 “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7 If you have really known me, you will also know the Father. From now on you know him and have seen him.” CEB

Then Philip gets into the conversation:

8 “Lord, show us the Father; that will be enough for us.”

And the answer that Jesus gives Philip next really is the crux of my vibrating toothbrush epiphany:

9 “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been with you all this time? Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? 10 Don’t you believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words I have spoken to you I don’t speak on my own. The Father who dwells in me does his works. 11 Trust me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me, or at least believe on account of the works themselves. 12 I assure you that whoever believes in me will do the works that I do. They will do even greater works than these because I am going to the Father. 13 I will do whatever you ask for in my name, so that the Father can be glorified in the Son. 14 When you ask me for anything in my name, I will do it.

Neither Thomas nor Philip truly comprehended what they had in Jesus. They did know that Jesus was more than just Jesus in the sense that He was intimately interconnected to the Father and the Father intimately interconnected to Jesus. Even after three years they did not realize that there was more to Jesus than what they saw and heard every day. They didn't know how much they were going to get out of this life that flows from the Father through Jesus via the Holy Spirit.

I've been with my toothbrush for two months. I didn't know it vibrated. I though it was just a toothbrush. Now I know more. Now I know better.

Every day is an opportunity to realize more and more what/who I have in Jesus. Everyday is an opportunity to discover a new dimension in the functionality of this relationship with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Maybe tomorrow my toothbrush will do something else besides vibrate. Maybe not. But I feel certain that if I continue to pursue Jesus, there will be more and more and more to discover and more and more and more to comprehend. Just what do I have here in Jesus?

Scammed!

I recently received an e-mail that came through my mission headquarters' website. Normally, people don't send an e-mail to me via this method. If I get an e-mail from the HQ web site, it is 99.99% of the time going to be a "donation notification" - an automatically generated alert that someone has made a donation on-line toward our support.

So it was strange to receive an actual e-mail through HQ. It made sense to me that if HQ sent it or passed it on, they must have a good reason for doing so. Except for the e-mail address and the name I will quote the letter in full here:

My Dear in Christ, How are you today? Greeting in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, But first I will introduce myself to you I am ... I am married to Mr. ... who worked in the Libya oil Company for 28 years before he died in the year 2009.We were married for 25 years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both born again Christian. Recently, my doctor told me that I have cancer problem. (Cancer of the lever and i have partial stroke before) So I don't know now for how long I am going to be here in this earth. Having known my condition I decided to donate this little fund (3.7 Million Dollars) which I have to a Church or individual that will utilize this money the way I will instruct. I want little fund to be use for orphanages, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavor that the house of God is maintained. I took this decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit this little fund and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don’t want my husband efforts to be used by unbelievers. I don’t want a situation where this little fund will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that he lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace· I don’t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health and the presence of my husband relatives around. I don’t want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that he lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. Right now I am currently admitted in one specialist hospital, May the peace of our Lord be unto you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Remain blessed in the Lord. Yours Sister in Christ, Mrs. ...

I have received hundreds of e-mails over the years that end up in SPAM because they are SCAMS from different parts of the world. They are people wanting to give away money and a lot of it. I ALWAYS delete such letters. But not this one. Why? One, because it came through the website of our mission's HQ. Two, because the letter was written a bit differently than what I am used to seeing in SCAMS. (I had no reason to suspect a scam if it came through HQ.)

So I responded. I told her about what I do and where (without naming the organization). Soon I found myself engaged in this wonderful exchange of e-mails with this "Sister". While her English spelling wasn't perfect, the content of her e-mails were believable. She agreed to donate this 3 million ++ dollars to us and our ministry. In all honesty, these letters were nothing like the scam type of letters I've seen before.

Then I was contacted by the lawyer who would facilitate this donation. Normally we hear about scams where you have to give your bank account number, a copy of your passport, etc. Not in this case. The lawyer simply asked for my full name, address, and phone number (mobile). I gave it to him.

Then the scam hit the fan . . . "Please send $600 for the processing fee." Fortunately, I didn't even have $600 dollars and wrote back and told the lawyer that. His response was that because his client is a believer and he is a believer also he will absorb half of the processing fee. But I didn't even have $300 dollars to give him. Beginning to feel a little scared now, I wrote back and said that I was sorry, I don't even think I would be allowed to send money to you. Since this is a donation that came through our HQ website I assume this would not require me to do anything. His threatening response struck a fear in me that sent shivers through my whole body.

It was then that I finally and fully realized I was being SCAMMED.

So now what should I do? If I just cut things off, he will threaten more and more and he knows where we live. I decided to try the sweet approach. I affirmed his early letters, I affirmed that he must be an outstanding Christian man, and that I understood his anger when I told him that I could not send a processing fee of any kind. You know what? He calmed down and we began to have a series of pleasant e-mail exchanges! (Please understand that at this point I am now "working" him. I am fully aware that I am being scammed but I desperately had to find a good way to get out of it. I also got some good advice from several "anti-scamming" websites.)

Finally, I decided to turn it back to where it all started - mission HQ. Despite the fact that the lawyer had calmed down, he was still insisting that someone must pay the processing fee. So I fabricated a story that my mission will take care of everything. I did not give any names and or an address. I just said, "They will contact you." He bought it and I have not heard from him since. I also have not heard from the "sister" who is donating the money.

Now what?
1. I intend to contact HQ and have my e-mail removed permanently from their website. (It probably would be a good thing to tell them that I have also diverted this whole thing back to them!)
2. I plan on finding the most secure e-mail server possible and migrate away from gmail.
3. I plan on suggesting to HQ that they filter suspicious e-mails that come through the website.

Is this extreme? No. I do not think so. I learned a lot while reading articles on various anti-scamming websites. There is no problem if you just delete or send to spam. But when you engage them, to deny them is to present a threat to yourself.

Finally, and here is the REAL point of this post . . . if I had been trusting God and not worrying so much about our making the fundraising goal that HQ requires of us, I probably would have discerned right away that this was a scam. I was blinded by the desperation I feel in having to meet the fundraising goal. This is the heart of ταράσσω and it is why I must move towards πιστεύω. Honestly, it is very, very tempting for me to "blame" HQ or my denomination for starting this whole "scramble for dollars" game. Unfortunately, that does not help me get any further away from ταράσσω or any closer to πιστεύω.

ταράσσω is a heart problem and in its vulnerable state is susceptible to scams and shams of all kinds. That is why Jesus says, "Don't let your heart be troubled." The answer is πιστεύω in the Father, in Jesus, in the Holy Spirit. They will never scam me. They have the best anti-scam around. They are the most secure and safe communication servers I'll ever find. Their firewall is impenetrable.

So, Lord, I confess my vulnerability to scams and my desperation to raise funds. I confess I have put my family at risk. I confess that I have lied to those behind this scam and justifying it to myself as the best way out. I confess all the fear that is in my heart as I ponder the various ways that this will all come to an end. Forgive me, Lord. Help me, Lord, to move from ταράσσω to πιστεύω.

P.S. As soon as I finished writing this paragraph "the lawyer" wrote me back and is wondering why HQ has not contacted him yet. I quickly wrote back, "Don't worry."

Okay, Lord I really need your help here . . . help me get out of this!!

Spiritual Jet Lag (Summary)

Here are some of the symptoms of jet lag that I chose to reflect on.
http://nojetlag.com/jetlag1.html

Lack of concentration and motivation, lack of ability to really enjoy, confusion and fuzziness, getting uptight or "losing it", dryness, susceptible to infection.

Here are some of the causes of jet lag that I chose to reflect on.
http://nojetlag.com/jetlag1a.html

Children under three don't seem to suffer jet lag as badly, as they are more adaptive and less set in their ways. Adults who adjust readily to changes of routine also seem less susceptible to jet lag. Those who are slaves to a fixed daily routine are often the worst sufferers.

If you're over-tired, excited, stressed, nervous, or hungover before the flight, you are setting yourself up for a good dose of jet lag. How many times have you heard travelers say "Don't worry, I'll catch up on the flight"? Well you don't. The wise traveller who wants to get the most out of a trip has a good night's sleep prior to departure.

The air aboard passenger jet aircraft is dry...Water is what your body wants.

I have found reflecting on these symptoms and causes helpful in terms of my journey with Jesus. I realize that there are times in my spiritual life where there is a "lag". Some of this comes in anticipation of the journey ahead. Some comes during the journey. And the effects are felt afterward. But the good news is that Jesus has already prescribed what is needed to get over this lag and what is needed to prevent it from even happening in the first place. So there is grace to keep walking with him.

As I look again at the title of my blog I see both the journey and the destination. I see what is ultimately needed for the journey and the best way to not experience any lag on the way. It is the reason I am writing this blog. I want to keep moving from ταράσσω to πιστεύω.

The spiritual jet lag experiences will decrease in intensity as I move from . . .

ταράσσω,v \{tar-as'-so}
1) to agitate, trouble (a thing, by the movement of its parts to and fro) 1a) to cause one inward commotion, take away his calmness of mind, disturb his equanimity 1b) to disquiet, make restless 1c) to stir up 1d) to trouble 1d1) to strike one's spirit with fear and dread 1e) to render anxious or distressed 1f) to perplex the mind of one by suggesting scruples or doubts

http://www.greekbible.com/l.php?tara/ssw_v-3ppd-s--_p

And move towards . . .

πιστεύω,v \{pist-yoo'-o}
1) to think to be true, to be persuaded of, to credit, place confidence in 1a) of the thing believed 1a1) to credit, have confidence 1b) in a moral or religious reference 1b1) used in the NT of the conviction and trust to which a man is impelled by a certain inner and higher prerogative and law of soul 1b2) to trust in Jesus or God as able to aid either in obtaining or in doing something: saving faith 1bc) mere acknowledgment of some fact or event: intellectual faith 2) to entrust a thing to one, i.e. his fidelity 2a) to be intrusted with a thing

http://www.greekbible.com/l.php?pisteu/w_v-2pai-p--_p

Thank you Jesus for your patience while I learn how to walk in this way!

Spiritual Jet Lag (Part 4)

Here's something else that causes jet lag - Dry Atmosphere. I know all about being dry when I'm in a plane 30,000 feet up in the air, but what does this look like for spiritual jet lag?

The website I have been referring to in the past few blog posts states the obvious:

The air aboard passenger jet aircraft is dry...Water is what your body wants.

http://nojetlag.com/jetlag1a.html

I am intentionally leaving out their recommendation to not drink coffee. How else can I stay awake to watch the movies? :)

But seriously...dryness is a huge part of jet lag and especially spiritual jet lag. Water is what the body and the soul want. I find that fighting dryness is one of the bigger challenges in my journey with Jesus. For me, my dry times tend to be when the journey is at a more dangerous or difficult part. Even though that is when my soul needs the Living Water the most, I tend to drink less in the midst of difficulty. When things are calm, smooth and we are flying with little turbulence, I will take in my daily portion of Living Water. I seem to be more self aware - aware of my thirst. But when turbulence comes I forget my need for water. In fact, I will often distract myself with movies, coke, coffee - things to keep me awake rather than the one thing that keeps me from experiencing "lag" in this journey.

Movies, coke, coffee - they are all great. But I will be dry and dehydrated if I think I can survive this journey, especially during long and turbulent flights, without consuming the Living Water in large quantities on a regular basis. Short flight. Long flight. It doesn't matter. Turbulence. No Turbulence. It doesn't matter. Dryness is bad and to be avoided.

Spiritual Jet Lag (Part 3)

I found another parallel between jet lag and spiritual jet lag which is worth some reflection.

Your pre-flight condition
If you're over-tired, excited, stressed, nervous, or hungover before the flight, you are setting yourself up for a good dose of jet lag. How many times have you heard travelers say "Don't worry, I'll catch up on the flight"? Well you don't. The wise traveller who wants to get the most out of a trip has a good night's sleep prior to departure.

http://www.nojetlag.com/jetlag1a.html

This is pre-flight stuff! We're always talking about the morning after, but this is more about the day before. I wonder how many "days before" I have had in my journey with Jesus where these pre-flight conditions had an adverse affect on the next day.

Often over-tired from work I have sometimes had a difficult time in the morning reading the Bible, praying, and and writing in my journal. Sometimes I just fall asleep.

Sometimes I'm excited about something that's coming up in the journey - a ministry opportunity or an invitation to be a main speaker in a conference. Whatever it may be, rather than getting a good night's rest, I'll pull an "all nighter" and obsess over what I'm going to say.

Stressed? Yes. Nervous? Yes. I am not the most pleasant person to be around when I'm packing or preparing for something big that is coming tomorrow.

I hear a lot about there being "joy in the journey" but sometimes I sabotage that journey before it even gets started!

Maybe this is why Jesus so often got away from the crowd and the disciples to a quiet place. I tend to interpret this as post-ministry rest and prayer time. But maybe it is actually pre-ministry rest and prayer time. Knowing where he had to travel the next day, knowing the people he had to encounter, knowing their needs, and knowing the ministry he would do - he got his rest he needed and prayed. So Jesus was able to maintain good pre-flight conditions and therefore did not suffer from spiritual jet lag.

Spiritual Jet Lag (Part 2)

I'm too jet lagged to write about it right now ...

Saying Goodbye to Skyler so he can say Hello

I knew I was going to cry. I have cried for each one of my children when I sent them off to post-high school education. I think it is natural. It's what it means to be a father.

One of the big themes in John 14-16 is the disciples being distressed and troubled over Jesus' announcement that in a little while he would be going to be with the Father. They didn't want to let Jesus go. They didn't want Jesus to go anywhere. They didn't want to say "Goodbye". But Jesus made it very clear to them, that unless he goes to be with the Father then they will not be able to receive the Holy Spirit. If they don't learn to say "Goodbye", they will not be able say "Hello" to the Counselor (Helper, Advocate, Comforter).

"But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you." John 16:7 NIV

I'm not trying to twist the meaning of this important passage around, but I could not help but make an immediate application. As sad as it is, I have to say "Goodbye" to Skyler so that he can go on, attend Redeemer Ministry School, and say "Hello" to experiencing the presence and power of the Holy Spirit in new and refreshing ways.

Goodbye Skyler. I love you.

(Skyler as Captain Hook)

(Skyler the Catcher of Big Fish)

(Skyler the Baseball Player and Fan)

Hello Holy Spirit. I love you.

Where have you been all this time?

I started this blog over a year ago. I wanted to find a way to process what I had been learning in my studies from the book of John. But as you can see I have let time go by. And now here I am a year later. I have thought about changing my picture and my blog title because it may appear to be only negative. I don't want to be forever labeled as the ταράσσω Man! The agitated one! But I'm not going to change it just yet, because ταράσσω is a heart problem and my heart is in the process of being changed. I am moving from agitation toward more trust and faith in Jesus. So I want to communicate that in my blog and hopefully continue to put up new posts along the way. Hopefully, I will post more than once a year :)

When Accidents Happen

Accidents happen. But I don't believe things happen by accident. An accident is an event and it is not an accident. There is a purpose in it somewhere. Finding that purpose or trusting the fact that there is a purpose is, for me, a step away from ταράσσω and toward πιστεύετε. I was reminded of this on the phone yesterday. I called Brother Joe, an elder at Redeemer, and told him the bad news. (Maybe first you should see the picture of the rental car before I go on)

That's just the front left side of the car. But, yes, I had an accident. I fell asleep at the wheel on I-294 South of Chicago, cruise control set at 65 mph and fell asleep. Praise the Lord no one was injured (my son Skyler and daughter Kristina were in the car with me). Also praise the Lord that I didn't hit anyone else.

Now, back to Elder Joe . . . "Joe, I got the call from the rental car company this morning. They said I will be charged $6,000." I confessed to Joe that I was feeling terrible, guilty, depressed, down on myself, and felt like I have brought financial ruin onto my family.

Joe is a great elder and after some words of encouragement he took me to the scripture and reminded me that there is a purpose in everything. I need to look for the purpose and trust God. And then he prayed for me. I don't really remember the words of his prayer but I know I cried.

My wife Annie is praying for me also. And only today did I begin to pray for myself.

There are no accidents in life. But I had an accident and accidents happen. Now I have to find out what the purpose is in all of this so that I can indeed begin to move away from ταράσσω and toward πιστεύετε. I want to not have my heart be troubled, but I want to trust in Jesus in all situations. I'm not there yet, believe me. I'm still on a journey. I feel like I have a long way to go. It's tempting to wallow in guilt and self-condemnation. ($6,000 !!!!!). But that will do me no good. It never does. The only good that can come out of this is to trust and believe Jesus in and through it all.

It might also help if I get plenty of rest so that I don't fall asleep while driving.